Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.

You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter.

You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.

If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.