Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can't even commit to being uncommitted.

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.