Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.

Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.