Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.

By any rational metric, I am boring.

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.