I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

I was definitely prepared for it to be slower, and it has not worked out that way in any shape or form. I'm grateful as a comedian, and slightly demoralized, occasionally, as a human being - those two things are always very different.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.