I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter.