I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'

Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.

It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.