Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.

The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.

When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing.