British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.

Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'

I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.