People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.

Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.