Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.