Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

I was definitely prepared for it to be slower, and it has not worked out that way in any shape or form. I'm grateful as a comedian, and slightly demoralized, occasionally, as a human being - those two things are always very different.

Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

The Confederate flag is one of those things that should only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.

Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.