I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.

Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.

Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.

Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.