We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn't want anything to do with it.

News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'

Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.

I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it.

I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.