I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.

Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.

Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can't even commit to being uncommitted.