Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'

One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.