I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.

Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.

I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.