I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.

I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.

Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.

Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.