News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

I would hate to meet myself at 15.

I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.

You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter.

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.