My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.