If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

There is no greater anesthetic than sport.

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.

You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter.