Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

The Confederate flag is one of those things that should only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.

I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.

Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.