You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.

Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.

There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.

I would hate to meet myself at 15.

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist.