You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.

Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.

I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.

The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.

I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.

I was definitely prepared for it to be slower, and it has not worked out that way in any shape or form. I'm grateful as a comedian, and slightly demoralized, occasionally, as a human being - those two things are always very different.