The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.

Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.

If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

I feel non-stop Brit shame!

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.