There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers.

I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.

One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.