By any rational metric, I am boring.

As a general rule, no one should ever be allowed to say there is no history of racial tension here, because that sentence has never been true anywhere on Earth.

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.

I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.