Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'

Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.

We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn't want anything to do with it.