There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.

I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it.

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.