There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.

Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.