I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.

When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking.

You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.