A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.

I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist.

People are friendlier in New York than London.

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.