You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.

Do you know how hard it is to kill 30 million people? It's a logistical nightmare.

I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.