I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

If you’ve been here, in New York, it has been dominated by the UN General Assembly, the annual event where delegates come from all over the world to f*** up this city’s traffic.

News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.

If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.