My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things.

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.

I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.