My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!

If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.