You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.

Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.

I hate flying, airports and the whole rigmarole - queuing up, security and lost luggage.

I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.

I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home.

I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.