They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it's roaming in a jungle... get it locked up.

At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?

I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.

If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?

Chinese people age overnight.

If you’re worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I’d say your life’s pretty good

The Tudors, I don't even know if I had a family back then.