A block of blood should not have the word "cake" after it...they might as well say "shite gateau

I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for

People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.

It's weird how me and that insect are miles apart in terms of lifestyle, yet we both like a biscuit.

There is no need for ants to have the ability to fly

We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.