I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.
The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.
If you haven't got eyes, you shouldn't have wings
What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?
The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife.
I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for