People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.

Normally you can't hear you're own voice because you're talking over it.

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for

I don't want to go about offending people, that's not my plan.

It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.