I don't want to go about offending people, that's not my plan.

This is the problem with over-crowded inner-city schools there aren't enough parts for everyone in the nativity story.

I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.

I think it's clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There's no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it.

Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be mush.

Comedy's really subjective, you know.

It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.