I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else to drown it out at the time?

You don't get anything done by planning

When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.

I could eat a knob at night.