You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.

That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. I don't know where a scorpion is knockin' around with a frog.

I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.

Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?

We've had the Iron Age, the Stone Age, this is the pissin' about age.

I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for