You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.

They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else to drown it out at the time?

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

Be the ugly one, look at the nice one.

She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?

I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.

If you don't have a plan, you can end up doing some interesting things.