Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be mush.

I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.

I could eat a knob at night.

There’s fish in here that I’ve read about that are so see-through that they’re invisible. So I don’t even think they know they exist.

Blind people can stay up longer than someone with eyes.

Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.

All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird.