If Dracula can’t see his reflection, how come his parting’s always neat?

I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.

I've heard that fact, that is you eat more than six bananas it will kill you. I saw a bowl with seven bananas in it and I thought, that's dangerous.

Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for

I think it's clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There's no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it.

Shitty nappy whizzing through the air, you don't see that in the brochures.