She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?

If you had five photos of anuses, I could not point mine out.

It's easier to have a go at something again when you failed at it as you've got nowt to lose.

What I mean is, I don't know what I mean.

When i was younger i remember once i went to bed and i was so happy that i laughed myself to sleep.

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.