She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?

Could the world fall?

You never see an old man eating a Twix

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after.

I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much.

Chinese people age overnight.

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.