I prefer big Oprah. I know Oprah wants to be skinny Oprah, but her head is too gigantic to fit on a skinny body. She has to accept that, like Kirstie Alley, she was meant to be... ahm... voluptuous!

I also don't have a desire to be on the A-list. I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.

That's life when you're on the D-list.

It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.

The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.

My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.

I love doing [stand-up]. I love making people laugh no matter how. Whether it's a commercial, or a TV show, or a reality show, or a talk show, or a special, or a book. However I can make people laugh, that's what I want to do.