That's life when you're on the D-list.

Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.

I do feel I'm kind of a magnet for crazy, and if there isn't enough crazy, I will insert myself in a situation that I feel has comedy potential.

I prefer big Oprah. I know Oprah wants to be skinny Oprah, but her head is too gigantic to fit on a skinny body. She has to accept that, like Kirstie Alley, she was meant to be... ahm... voluptuous!

If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.

I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.

I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.