The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.

I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.

I did feel very sexy and desirable. Those prisoners looked at me like no man ever did. I don't care how many people they killed.

I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.

Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.

I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.