No one teaches you how to do this. How do you let go of someone who you love so much?

I have a no-apology policy.

I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.

I prefer big Oprah. I know Oprah wants to be skinny Oprah, but her head is too gigantic to fit on a skinny body. She has to accept that, like Kirstie Alley, she was meant to be... ahm... voluptuous!

No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.

I am what you call a non-believer. I don't even want to say I'm an atheist because frankly I don't want to join their club either. But the point is, I am a fallen catholic, I'm not religious, and that's all well and good.

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.