I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty.

Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.

I remember the first date I ever went out on. It was in high school. Her name was Marguerite. She was kind of a heavyset girl... I took her out on one date. We went out for dinner and a movie and a dinner.

Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.

It's tough getting older. You start falling apart, you know? My gums are starting to recede now. You can't tell tonight, though, 'cause I comb them forward.

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.