Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.

It's tough getting older. You start falling apart, you know? My gums are starting to recede now. You can't tell tonight, though, 'cause I comb them forward.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

I think I sent out some résumés for marketing jobs, and they all came back in the mail because I didn't have enough postage.

When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.

I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version.