Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.

Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

All I kin git out o' the Wickersham position on prohibition is that the distinguished jurist seems to feel that if we'd let 'em have it the problem o' keepin' 'em from gitten;' it would be greatly simplified

It don't make no difference what is is, a woman'll buy anything she thinks a store is losin' money on.

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.