Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?