University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

I don't know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.

Politics makes strange post-masters.

None but the brave can live with the fair.