Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

If there's anything mean in a feller, a litter authority will bring it out.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

Very often the quiet fellow has said all he knows