No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Don't a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.

Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.